I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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