im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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