He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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