In the future we'll all be gay
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
