im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
