I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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