your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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