Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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