Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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