Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm always down for nudity.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
