I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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