3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
