I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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