I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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