I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
