i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
