I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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