I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Still dying that you shit outside
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
