I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
