I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
