Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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