lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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