I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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