He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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