Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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