don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
