i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
