Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
