What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
handjob tips. give me some.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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