we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
