thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
