Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I've blown a few things in my day
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize