I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
