I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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