I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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