We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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