If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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