i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
