4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
