he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
