): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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