My room smells like vodka and shame
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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