Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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