I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I need a burrito and a hug.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
