I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
