I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You're like the curious george of whores
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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