Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
