I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
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