So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he fucked my hip out of place.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
