hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
