UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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