I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We got so high we made milksteak
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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