I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
