My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
