he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
