wrigley field is MILF paradise
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
