I think i peed on brittanys purse
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
