Christians are straight up FREAKS
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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