No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
