im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Lo siento on account of my penis...
false alarm, still single
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