God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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