no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize