He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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