Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
