Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Mom said you looked used
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize