Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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