I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
