chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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