How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
