Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I stole a fireplace last night.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
