3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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