I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
