fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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