Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
