I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Holy sore nipples Batman
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
