Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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