im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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