think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
