I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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