On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
