3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
