is your mom at the bar?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
