yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
