and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
