batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
