Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
