She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
