Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize