apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
