did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
