you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
