You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
