i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
