No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
