i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
