We won't sleep together?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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