At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize