Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
