Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
