I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Randomize
