Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
