Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
