my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
How does it feel to date your dad?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
