he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Oh god it's open bar.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
