He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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